This is my retreat. Any clever comments used to describe myself escape me, but that's a good thing. You do not have to stay. If it please you, you can pretend you never came across this space.
I am doing well.
Sometimes, I login to post something, a flitting thought, but then I lose it.
But I’m here. Not as actively as my other blog, but here.
I’m not all negative; I’ve just had time. And though I started this blog in a darker light, I know that I didn’t start out that way- that I’ve never been a dark person. We all just have rough spots. And I’m grateful to just be myself again. I’m a human being.
I’ve always bounced back fast. I love that.
I love these new heeled oxfords.
I just wish I would have a better time of finding clothes to outfit them with.
Shirts button up fine along my stomach, but don’t want to button past my bust, to below my collarbones.
Pants keep drowning my lower half, because I can’t fill them out well enough in the behind area.
I love trying on clothes, I love shopping. But I’m really disproportionate.
I’m big on top, but not on bottom.
It ruins everything, like trying to wear pretty dresses, or awesome boyfriend khakis.
Over time, I’ve lost most of my long hair habits.
The long hair toss over my shoulder. Reaching behind my neck to drape my hair over my pillow when I would go to sleep. Gathering my hair to the top of my scalp when I would lather up with shampoo.
The only one I still do, and I really have no reason for anymore, is the hair tie around my wrist.
It was a big leap when I got it cut, but I knew I would love it and grow accustomed to the short haired look. And I did. Now, just as the longest points of my hair begin to brush the tops of my shoulders, I always start to feel it’s getting too long.
I like it this way.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t bother me, or make me bitter this one day out of the year the way others tend to get, sometimes.
A novel day to some, and a cruel reminder to others.
But to each their own.
Though, I will admit, every time my phone alerted me of a message today, I shrank away a little. Not because I was anticipating anything from anybody, whether negative or positive, but because I didn’t want to spend time with anyone, because I just didn’t feel like talking (I mean, on the rare occasion that I do anyway). Because I didn’t feel like beating around the bush of small talk, or invitations of hanging out with friends.
I just wanted to spend time with myself, most of all. And I love that. I hate having to fill up the quiet around others so they can be comfortable, when usually I just love an easy going silence.
I am exhausted… I’ve been more awake with a lot less sleep, so I don’t know why today is such an exception.
I don’t mind turning in so early, should I choose, even if it’s a New Year. Being with my family is more than enough for me, and there is honestly no better way to rein in the year. I’ve always loved being here, chatting with my family, and just quietly enjoying each other’s company (or, not exactly quiet, when you have five nieces).
And in lieu of the year ending, everyone has their closing lines.
I don’t think I have ever had a longer year in my entire life. And I remember every month, and each season, and with each season, what life events they’ve revolved around. To the full circle it comes to, now. It’s all felt like so long ago. Has it really only been a year? I feel ancient.
It has certainly been different. Different everything. Whether bad or good, I’malright with all the changes. I think that is what makes it fine; change. That I have uprooted myself from so much.
It feels as though… it is all about rising to the occasion
I love sitting around watching movies, in the dark, and bundling up on a sofa. I got to have a bit of coffee, and just sit and be for a bit.
Very tired. So funny this morning, that once in a blue moon I get to sleep in at least ‘til 5, but my body still woke up of it’s own accord, at 3.
Can’t turn off the mental alarm clocks even if I tried.